With apologies to Rudyard Kipling Take up the White Man’s burden. Send forth your sturdy kin, And load them down with Bibles And cannon-balls and gin. Throw in a few diseases To spread the tropic climes, For there the healthy niggers Are quite behind the times. And don’t forget the factories. On those benighted shores They have no cheerful iron mills, Nor eke department stores. They never work twelve hours a day And live in strange content, Altho they never have to pay A single sou of rent. Take up the White Man’s burden, And teach the Philippines What interest and taxes are And what a mortgage means. Give them electrocution chairs, And prisons, too, galore, And if they seem inclined to kick, Then spill their heathen gore. They need our labor question, too, And politics and fraud— We’ve made a pretty mess at home, Let’s make a mess abroad. And let us ever humbly pray The Lord of Hosts may deign To stir our feeble memories Lest we forget—the Maine. Take up the White’s Man’s burden. To you who thus succeed In civilizing savage hordes, They owe a debt, indeed; Concessions, pensions, salaries, And privilege and right— With outstretched hands you raised to bless Grab everything in sight. Take up the White Man’s burden And if you write in verse, Flatter your nation’s vices And strive to make them worse. Then learn that if with pious words You ornament each phrase, In a world of canting hypocrites This kind of business pays.